Tuesday, 14 June 2016

#prayforanisnad

I've always had things going the way I want it. Academic wise. I had it easy I'm not going to lie. It wasn't because I'm exceptionally smart lol that is not in any way true. All is in God's hands. Because I've never felt like I did anything different than my peers. In fact I probably did less, but I surely got more. For years I took it for granted. 20 years to be exact. 

Coming to uni is a dream come true. But I've always knew, I've always planned this and as always... I got it. It wasn't that hard for me. Again, I took it for granted. 2nd semester last year, the truth hit me and it hit me hard. I learnt what it meant to put in effort, I've learnt that my mediocre effort, was not enough. This year, I sworn to do better. Think better, write better, speak better, french better. Again, I feel like I've been putting mediocre effort but why am I easily tired? I see other people doing more and I'm amazed. Where did you get all this strength and perseverance? 

Everytime I get an average band I'd ask my lecturers / tutors, 

"I only got a band 5 what can I improve to get better?"
"Band 5 is good what's important is you get the idea of what we taught you."

If I wasn't pressured by the fact that I only want to pay 10% of my loan, then I wouldn't be so devastated with a 5. But deep inside I'm always glad that I got to study what I'm really passionate about. Understanding why the world is so messed up. Thing is, school of political science doesn't easily give out a 6, while 5 is normal, 7... very rarely given. It's a subjective course, and dealing with a subjective course... doing 8 credits per semester. I'm gonna have to settle for average, and pay like a shit ton of my loan. 

But here is a tribute to the courses I am doing this year. POLS3208; thank you for teaching me that ideas that are subjective shouldn't be subjected to one single objective truth, have a little colour in your life. POLS3202; thank you for teaching me that foreign policy is a lot harder than I thought it was and that surprisingly... I enjoy foreign policy and diplomacy. POLS2603; thank you for teaching me that there are so many women out there that needs help and empowerment, but also thank you for reminding me that men are not all pigs, they are loving husbands, fathers, sons, and brothers. I have realised that some women, are also pigs. FREN2010; i don't even know. French was hard for me this semester T.T 

This is me, losing my mind, talking to my 4 courses this semester. I hope they'll reply with good grades. Although I'm gonna have to settle for a 5 for French, already calculated, I need 101% for finals to get a 6. In this case, miracles do not happen. 

So after 21 years I've finally realised, that throughout years of my academic excellence. I have gained nothing but arrogance and pride. Now, I must start again. Learn to walk, while others are soaring high. Never take anything for granted. 

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